Gitmo Inmates to Be Transferred...

"Seeking to dampen criticism of his handling of the War on Terror and the Internal Revenue Service's selective intrusion into the views of his political opponents, President Obama announced that the detention center at Guantanamo would be closed and it's inmates “redistributed as seems most appropriate.”

While it is expected that a majority of the detainees will be repatriated to the Middle Eastern Hell-holes from whence they came, those with exemplary skills are likely to be transferred to positions within the IRS.

“The fact that people are openly criticizing the IRS is the best evidence we have that it has failed in its mission,” Obama said. “Obviously, the fear of being harassed and audited is insufficient to induce the level of compliance needed. If properly armed and aimed the most fanatical of the Gitmo detainees could ramp up the pressure to levels that only the tiniest few could resist.”

The President sought to reassure that “those in full compliance with IRS directives need have no concerns for their own safety. The Gitmo detainees will be working under the close supervision of higher authorities under my control. Only those who have deviated from the required path will be targeted.”
—John Semmens