It’s coffee time, until it’s time to drink
I love 50 cent, or as he’s know in Zimbabwe; four hundred million dollars
Whenever a bird poops on my car, I eat scrambled eggs in front of them to show them what I am capable of.
If my calculations are correct, then someone else did them for me.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
The first 40 years of childhood are the toughest.
My fingers are very trustworthy. I can always count on them.
I feel like the guy who gets pushed into the fruit stand during a chase scene.
Friend: “Why are you late?”
Me: “There was a man who lost a Hundred Dollar Bill”
Friend” “That’s nice. Were you helping him?”
Me: “No. I was standing on it”
It’s only November 1st and I am already seeing Halloween decorations! Jeez
Hey! I might be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house quicker than the police.
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